Changing the Date
As usual for this time of year, there is a lot of discussion about changing the date for Australia Day. There are many reasons for doing so (which I won’t entertain here), but no clear alternative date. Here is a sketch I recently posted to Mastodon about the issues of choosing 9th May as Australia Day. It’s just a bit of fun.
Cast:
- PM: Prime Minister
- Q: Queensland
- NT: Northern Territory
PM: Thanks for coming at short notice-
Q: Where are the other states?
NT: And territories!
PM: What do you mean?
Q: It’s just Queensland and Northern Territory.
NT: The largest territory!
PM: Yeah. I was getting to that. As you know, we’re changing the date for Australia Day.
Q: We are?
PM: Yeah. 26th January is no longer popular. Some people are even calling it Invasion Day.
Q: Why?
PM: Um, something about Captain Cook. I don’t really know, but we’re changing the date. However, there’s a problem. You know how you both have public holidays in early May? We need you to change them.
Q: Why?
PM: Because we’ve decided to make Australia Day coincide with when Parliament first met.
Q: And?
PM: You probably don’t want two consecutive long weekends.
Q: It works for Chrissie and New Year.
PM: Yeah, but everyone is on holiday then anyway.
NT: When did Parliament first meet?
PM: 9th May.
NT: What year?
PM: 1901.
NT: But it’s 2024.
Q: So where do you want us to move them to?
PM: Early march seems popular.
NT: You want us to have May Day in March?
Q: Ok.
PM: Ok?
Q: We’ll do it. But we’re going to need some sweeteners.
PM: Sweeteners?
Q: We’re moving Labour Day. We’re a Labor government. You’re a Labor government. We’ve got to appeal to working people.
PM: What did you have in mind?
Q: AFL Grand Final.
PM: I’m sure we can arrange some-
Q: Every year.
PM: Queenslanders don’t even like AFL much.
Q: I feel that could get a real taste for it.
PM: The Gabba only holds, what, forty thousand people?
Q: Forty-two thousand, Prime Minister. But, I’m sure with some federal funding we could expand it to at least…a hundred thousand.
PM: A hundred thousand? The one and only time the Gabba hosted the AFL grand final you didn’t even draw thirty thousand.
Q: It was 2020. Those are COVID numbers. Plus in Queensland, we’re nothing if we’re not aspirational.
PM: Alright. The AFL Grand Final-
Q: And all three of the State of Origin matches.
PM: Come on-
Q: And you know that deal that WA is getting with the GST? We want that too. And Ricky Ponting, he’s now a Queenslander and always has been.
PM: What about Boonie?
Q: Who?
PM: Was there anything else you want to steal? From South Australia maybe?
Q: They no longer have the F1, do they?
PM: Nope.
Q: Then, they’ve got nothing worth stealing.
PM: Northern Territory, what about you?
NT: We want to become a state.
PM: Good to he-
NT: With twelve senators, like the other states.
PM: Queensland, would you settle for hosting the Grand Final every second year?
